Bastion of Free Speech

The silly season seems to be upon us once again. It's the month of December. Parliament is in session. The economy is now definitely pointed southward. With the Taliban in retreat, Pakistan will soon be awash with guns for hire. Nepal is caught up in civil war that if not tackled with despatch will spill over into Bihar and Uttar Pradesh, both long ripe for some real anarchy. It is also the month of Ramzan, a month of piety. But neither the seriousness of the looming crises, nor the spirit of Ramzan seems to have impressed our leaders.

And so they are busy with drawing up guest lists, planning menus, hogging more than just headlines and showing us how little they care about the critical issues that confront the nation. Even our newspapers seem swept up by this excitement suggesting that successive Press Pay Commission recommendations have still somehow not improved the position of their larders. In the last two days the main point of excitement for our newspapers seems to be the triviality of Sharad Pawar being his natural boorish self by dis-inviting Sonia Gandhi from his sixtieth birthday bash. She in turn reciprocated in good measure by having her party's chief spokesperson, Jaipal never-at-a-loss-for-words Reddy, slip it in between the ribs by proclaiming that Sharad Pawar was not invited to Sonia Gandhi's iftaar party!

It seems that Sharad Pawar turning sixty, a good 1.8 years more than the average Indian manages to survive, is cause for celebration. Is it? For one, think about this - for every person who crosses the national average of 58.2, someone else has to die younger than that to keep the average where it is. Apart from this awkward fact, pray what is there that is so significant in Sharad Pawar's sixty years that calls for a national celebration, an event to be managed by a blue-ribbon committee chaired by former Prime Minister Chandrashekhar? It must be true then that Chandrashekhar has a lot of time on hand these days?

Or is one being a bit hasty in concluding that there is nothing about Sharad Pawar that calls for a celebration? There is, but that would make it more appropriate for a body like the CII or FICCI devoted to the cause of "wealth creation" to celebrate. Of late Dhirubhai Ambani has been going on about wealth creators not being honored in this country. This one celebration then should please him no end, particularly since this would be the one political fest that he will not be asked to foot the bill for. And while we are on wealth creation, I am quite sure that Sharad Pawar can teach Ambani a thing or two about wealth creation. A well regarded business journalist has recently analyzed that an investment in Reliance shares for the last ten years merely fetched a return of a mere 8% each year when you could have got more by just leaving that money in a bank or much more by investing in Sharad Pawar. Ask Enron, that is if you can find somebody there who will take your call. Considering that almost all of our "wealth creators" have done extremely well for themselves, wealth expropriators would describe them better!

It is not that these parties are without some significance. One thing for sure, it seems to make our leaders more considerate towards each other. At Somnath Chatterjee's dinner, it seems that Mulayam Singh helpfully advised Sonia Gandhi to go easy on the hilsa because of the bones that might stick in her craw. She in turn, it seems, was at her eloquent best when she readily riposted: " ab main khanton se jujhne ko seekh gayi!" That is good news indeed, but the question that still remains is whether she has learnt to count without moving her lips? The last time she counted up to t-w-o-h-u-n-d-r-e-d-a-n-d-s-e-v-e-n-t-y-t-h-r-e-e we know what happened. Amar Singh announced that she is not being invited to Mulayam Singh's sons wedding.

Have you noticed how Amar Singh has withdrawn from the party scene? No more bashes with or for Ketan Parekh. Kerry Packer. Anil Ambani. Amitabh Bachchan. All no mean wealth creators themselves. Its election time and it seems that now is when the sons return to the soil and so Amar Singh is on a different party trip in the backwoods of Uttar Pradesh where Oil of Olay makes way for mustard oil. After all at the end of the day grease ball is a grease ball, no matter the odor or flavor. Such is the true grit of our messiahs!

Sonia Gandhi's iftaar seems to be the party to be invited to. Not just for the close-up one can get of her delightful dimples, but for the delicious fare of kebabs and biryani that sets her apart in a class by herself. A friend who went to her party last year still speaks of the delicious kakori and tunda kebabs served. Tunda kebabs are not called that because they came from a place called that, like Kakori. They are called that because the man who made them was disabled in one arm - hence tunda. My friend, the journalist Zafar Agha, who is Delhi's only true and full time BJP baiter, tells me that the name came about when journalists who sent for kebabs to go with their hooch at Lucknow's press club would holler to the waiter: "wo tunde ke yahan se le aana!" And so these kebabs became immortal.

The tradition of political iftaar parties began with the advent of Jawaharlal Nehru as Prime Minister. Nehru used to host one each year at the Congress Party office, which in those early days was at 7 Jantar Mantar Road. It used to be a small gathering of mostly Muslim colleagues, politicos and journalists. The practice was stopped when Lal Bahadur Shastri succeeded him. It was revived in Lucknow by HN Bahuguna in 1974, who as UP's chief minister began assiduously courting the Muslim vote bank. Then like now, since the state cannot seem to do very much to rid the Muslim masses of their wretchedness, iftaar parties became the means to establish ones secular bonafides. He was the first Hindu maulana. Mulayam Singh followed after LK Advani sallied forth in his first dieselized rath. Bahuguna's success apparently rattled Indira Gandhi enough to begin her own in Delhi. In 1977, after the Janata victory, Chandrashekhar who has a true flair for event management began to put 7 Jantar Mantar to good use with iftaar parties. Morarji Desai, however, made it a point not to attend.

The month of Ramzan was ordained in the second year of the hijra after the last of the revelations were made to Prophet Muhammad. This was also the month in which the victorious battle at Badr had taken place. By now the Prophet felt confident to completely break with the Jews. The Jewish fast of ashura on the day of kippur was no longer obligatory. Muslims now began to distinguish themselves in all things from the people of Israel. No more would his followers turn towards Jerusalem for prayer. Ramzan was to be a month of piety, charity and abstinence. After a full day of abstinence the faithful broke their fast with some dates, some salt and water. It seems only keeping with the mores of the times that abstinence and piety were to be replaced by indulgence and extravagance. So the competition between our netas is not any more about what they can do for us, or what they can get us to do for our country, but about how large a spread can they lay out on the table!

Having been to a few of these iftaar parties I can say with the benefit of experience that the food is usually cold and the faithful who seem to be the same lot trucked from party to party, no pun intended, many in clothes that seem to have come out of the sets Umrao Jaan and Shatranj ke Khilari, take precedence over us kafirs, when at last the food section is opened for attack. This is probably the only time when in the BJP office that Muslims take precedence over Brahmins. Since the crowd of the faithful is mostly made up of unwashed professionals, and the month long diet heavy on meats and spices adds a certain aroma to the air that travels with them. This air is sought to be drenched with ithar which rather than helping only intensifies the disagreeability of the smells. One has it from good sources that the BJP office at 11 Ashoka Road is surreptitiously washed with Ganga jal after the deed is done.

While on the subject of eating, the BJP apparently does not let its vegetarianism get in the way. Vegetarianism is no hindrance to gluttony. We have this on the good authority of the venerable tambram newspaper out of Madras. It reported on November 3 last, that Prime Minister Vajpayee, apart from the scintillatingly monosyllabic company of Sardar Prakash Singh Badal, had for dinner the previous day the following: "Makkai ki Roti and that too garnished with freshly prepared white butter accompanied by equally generously buttered roasted potatoes, Kathi Kabab, Kesari Paneer Tikka, Karhi Chawal, Paneer Tawa Masala, Shabnam Kathi, Birbal Kofta and Kaju Matter Makhan Korma, all prepared by chefs with Amritsari expertise. This was preceded by a serving of the indigenous recipe of Palak soup." But apparently was not all. Dinner was followed by Kheer and Gulab Jamuns, which also had the "special Amritsari flavor". Mr. Vajpayee's imported knees seem to be holding up well for at breakfast he had another famous Amritsari delight - Kesar Lassi and sweet Amritsari Amriti. Small wonder why our Prime Minister appears so sleepy and ponderous. Prime Minister Vajpayee's reputation of being a liberal owes a great deal to fondness for meat dishes and certain victuals. Well Ramzan is a month of abstinence and so his iftaar party, paid for like the Haj air travel subsidy, by the Union of India will consist only of solid compounds.

It's life as usual in India!

Copyright(c) Mohan Guruswamy, 2001. All rights reserved.